Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
