The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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