Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
