Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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