i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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