I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
