I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
