Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
