i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
