hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
