I wish I could punch you in the face.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
