I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
