i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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