It's like God shit irony all over that family
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
