I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
