That's intense
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
