i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
