I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
