She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
