so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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