my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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