also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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