you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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