I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
