Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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