this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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