brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if you like me you must not know who I am
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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