please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
