we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
