I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
