I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
