Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
