this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
