I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was confusing and full of hummus
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
