no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
