wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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