it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
