I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
