I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
