don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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