We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
