never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
