Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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