we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
