So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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