He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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