i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
