pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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