OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
