Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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