Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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