My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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