Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
