Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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