Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
