It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
