D3 body, D1 cock
she was so not down for the gang bang
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
