I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize