he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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