oh god the rape fog is back!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
