Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
