i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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