If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I deserve this hangover.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
